Before I start my rant, it might be worth mentioning that this is a man who never texted in his life. As an original and dedicated Blackberry user, he was Mr. Email…brief and to the point. When not asking a question, his typical email responses would often be one word answers like, “Yes”, “”No”, “Thanks” and “Great”. 

A few weeks ago, he switched over to the iphone and has become a texting animal. My kids have provided him with great tutorial support but it is my good friend, (name withheld-you know who you are, bitch) who encouraged him to download the free emoticon app.

For those of you not in the know, an emoticon is a pictorial representation of a facial expression using punctuation marks and letters, usually written to express a person’s mood. This app replaces those with small corresponding images, for example, a real yellow smiley face or, if you will, a real pile of shit!

You heard it…a pile of brown doody with eyes and a smile!

Thumbs up, thumbs down, fist bumps, fist pumps, kisses, time out, two finger peace sign, 42 different smiley faces including Edvard Munch’s, The Scream. I got that one when I said we were having Boston Chicken for dinner.

The list goes on and on. I think my husband has used every one.

At first, I thought it was funny, but now it’s incredibly annoying. Talk about pushing buttons…CAN’T YOU JUST TEXT LIKE A REGULAR PERSON!

I won’t tell you what his response was, but it went along the lines of EAT_____.